Lifesplosion!!

So for those of you not in the know, it’s time to inform you that my life has exploded over the last couple of weeks.

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First, Sam dumped me out of the blue the day before New Year’s Eve, after four years. So I’m kind of pissed about that. Then I immediately moved into a new apartment with brand new people and pets (I hit the jackpot with my new roommates, more on them later). Then I started my new job.

Everything is so new it’s like a horrible roller coaster ride of newness. In fact:

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I want to extend some particular thank-yous to my mom and Marnie for talking me down off of the ledge, mentally speaking:

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And the two loveliest ladies who ever helped a bitch move, Ashley and Chelsea you’re definitely going to get Raptured any day now so get ready:

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And all y’all who helped distract me during the bleak moments, too many to draw, you know who you are.

As a token of how much I am just moving the fuck on right now, I made a list of the Top Seven Celebrities I Would Share My Life With, to remind me that there are good people who I’m 99% sure would treat me right out there in the world.

1. John Green

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John, the tragedy is that there can’t be more than one of you. Everyone needs a John Green in their lives.

2. Richard Ayoade

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I’m pretty sure that I would die a happy woman if Richard Ayoade would coyly wink at me just once.

3. Hannah Hart

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Come cook in my kitchen. I have an immersion blender and I will support every single one of your life choices.

4. DFW (posthumous)

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Clearly and tragically, David Foster Wallace is a pretty dead guy right now, but if he were somehow reanimated I would jump his bones.

5. Spencer Krug

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No one knows my soul like you do, Spence. Let’s make beautiful music together. Or, like, arrhythmic and difficult music.

6. Mike Birbiglia

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Tell me your stories, Mike. Tell them to me late into the night, when the world sleeps.

7. Chris Ware

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Chris Ware, you already hold my heart in your hands like a smooth river stone. You have only to close your fingers around it.

 

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